New Perspective

You asked me to stop being nice to you.
You told me you are unsure if you still love me.
These two lines are enough to kill my heart.
what a month-versary gift there.
After 4 years together,
the words i though i would never hear from your mouth.
i really have to say I'm disappointed.

I'm really trying and I'll never give this relationship up.
and i hope you will do the same.

god, i think i really need someone to talk to,
and at this point of time then i realise,
i've got no friends.
how sad.

there is a reason why i choose to write everything here.
for one, no one exactly read my blog.
and, if someday something happpens.
at least there'll be some explanation.

All i simply wanted to hear again was some encouragement,
from the closest people in my life.
I no longer hear that coming anymore,
but that's alright. perfectly fine.
but why do they have to make me the devil ?
is it really my fault that i want to study?
which parents doesnt want their kid to study?

You think its easy studying part time?
when in the near future i'll have to hold a full time job?
Don't you guys know how much i yearn for a normal full time study
so that i can concentrate entirely and enjoy the learning process?

why am i doing so?
i want a good future. i need the qualification.
you guys brought me up, dont you all want me to achieve in life?
yes, im worried too. but hasnt i assured that once i ord,
ill definitely work and try to pay my own fees?
why must you guys keep harping on why must i start early?
why cant you guys just give me some words
that could spur me on, not bring me down.

it hurts when you guys dont even try to understand,
but stick to your own thinking.
if life is simply just about money,
why even introduce me to education when i was young?
it always, never fail to make me feel bad,
for having to use your money to study.

it seriously is depressing.
and it kinda hurt.
maybe after all,
home isn't the closet place at all.

What makes a relationship work?
thats' the question i've been asked frequently.
people always envy me cos i have a long r/s
however,  even though i did not voice out,
i admit i am not a perfect lover.

sometimes i can be too busy
sometimes i can be too bossy
sometimes i can be too unreasonable
sometimes i can neglect my other half
and the list goes on and on.

but at the end of the day,
its self reflection and honesty
that prevent everything from falling apart.
don't just realise your faults, admit them
though i might take a while to change my habits.
but eventually, i'm still trying

but still, i always feel i've never done enough for you.

seriously has been a hell long time since i blogged.
but somethings building up so quickly within me
that i seriously need to release them.

whats its like? your on a track to becoming a pilot,
they kicked you out for an injury you never had.
they placed you to somewhere where you become a trainee.
somewhere that is filled with JC students.

I'm not saying they're lousy.
i just feel sucky, that i m placed in a position
in a place where all people and all "disabilities" gather
but fuck it, i have nothing wrong with me
my neck doesn't even hurt.
why place me there.?

and there are people who thinks they are bloody scholars
who thinks that they are fucking rich
and they don't seem to bother
fucking wake up your idea, you are in the army
dun think you are smart and all that shit.
dun show that smug face.
nb, watch your back.

bear with it gary.

i hate the way people make simple things into complicated ones.
i hate the way people takes few hours to get a simple job done
i hate the attitude that people portray to make them feel bossy

i hate ns. argh.

basically it is killing me.
its too damn boring.
what i do everyday,
read magazines,
read newspapers,
read my books,
watch movies on ipod.
plus a one and a half hour of answering calls

that's what been keeping me occupied
everyday from 8 - 5.30.
sometimes i wished i have flown with the guys,
nvm the stress i will be facing
at least its something challenging.

haiz, nothing can explain my frustrations i guess.
anyway, my wish list for 2010.

1) need new clothes badly
2) 27-32 inch plasma tv
3) Wii console or PS3
4) new bag
5) new girlfriend???.... nah kidding !!!!  =X

And so that was it.
it was my farewell to my beloved course mate.
was a shame i couldnt fly with them.
heart still aches a little though.
but all the best guys.
i will definitely think of you guys
when a plane flies above me every time

went for medical review today, was told i gotta have a downgrade.
told the doc about my chest pain i've been experincing
but he simply ignored it.
but whenever i take a deep breathe, my left chest hurts
 hope it goes away soon.

argh.

is it new year?
i really dun feel any difference.
i spent the last moments of 2009 sleeping, alone at home
i woke up the next day
to find it was just but any other day.

im quite disappointed,
but i do not want to mention what.
it has been bad for me,
my work,
my life,
my relationship

everything's not working out well
not at all.

i really felt i've got no importance at all.

felt so much better after a lone jog.
but my chest hurts all of a sudden
it has been there since before my run.
wonder if there's really anything wrong with my body

reason why i'm back blogging again
is i feel i need to.
too much things in my head right now
i need a source to unload.
hope this can really help me.

they treat me like a junk now.
im being placed in the office
with nothing to do, no one i know
they wun uds how it felt like

i feel like i have screwed up my ns life
because of the pilot sign on,
im now nowhere near anywhere.
argggghhhhh