should i be awed, fascinated and amazed?
or should i have already seen it coming.
changes are inevitable i must say.
but for the better or worse, i guess i can't comment

to me its heart-wrenching. i'm serious.
those principles we stood by just disappeared..
i admit my views might differ, but i just nv thought
they would change.

new friends new influences new exposures.
therefore the creation of the new principles.
new stuff, new "toys", new fun.
helplessly is the word which can describe
the feeling i feel upon watching my brothers
walking towards the dark path.

well alright, they are still my bros no matter what
hope they realize what they are doing.

damn! it really hurt a lot seeing things this way.

well, hasn't been a pleasant week, not at all.
firstly, pilot recruitment is taking years to get back to me.
secondly, i lost my headdress. this is pretty shitty
next, i had a hard time finding my logbook,
to ans some queries from my ex profrssor..

and now, im sitting all alone here.
been conflicts since i came home
felt so down alll of a sudden.

but nothing i can do about it

as i told myself NS wasn't so tough
it was nothing more than just pushing myself on
seen my friend broke down,
there were times i felt like giving up too.

seen, read, felt, heard.
guessed i didn't do my part well.
time management, anger management, r/s management
think i bloody hell failed badly.
seriously, i wasn't as strong as i though i would be.
i'm drained, physically and mentally.
maybe that's why i neglected you
maybe you can't feel my love anymore
or maybe i am too tired to show it.
I'm sorry for the wrong I've done
for the temper I've shown.
i am still adapting to the shitty life.
it ain't easy, but i am telling myself i can do it.

i really ran out of words.
but there are so many things i wish to tell you
so many stories i want to share with you
it's just i aint have the time,
i ain't have the energy.
i'm really guilty for that.

i'm sorry babe, and
i love you.

all right, words said
thoughts exchanged.
misunderstandings cleared.
hope everyone is feeling better right now.

and i must say i admit i was too vulgar and harsh
but i seriously meant no harm
its just to defend and protect my girlfriend
which i think every guy would do
and i know my words didnt sound to nice
but well, i think everything's ok now.
hope you see this.

and a new chapter of life shall begin soon
im anticipating it, yet quite worried.
baby, i didnt mean to be angry at you today
i wished i could take care of you 24/7
but i really cant but worry about you
you get what i mean right.

can't wait for swimming tml.
and dinner with bros.


oh special thanks to following:
Sister : for planning a surprise KTV party
Cousin : For turning up and presents
Baby : for the IPOD nano
Ck, Qian and Jac : For the Zara Voucher ( i spent it liao)
Mei ping, Alden, Jia Hui, Nicholas, Li wei and Aaron : For the nokia 1661

nice song.
enjoy all.

clubbing at REBEL!
my super-buddies
finished configuring my IPOD!
that is so so cool.

oh, i think i sure have mirrors at home
so don't really need people to tell me how i look
seriously, if i already tried to let things go
don't bother to make it worst.
peace out!!!!



wow. looks like you've sure got quite some enemies around.

FIRST celebration, - Kbox, Ehub
a KTV outing with cousins
which they prepared a surprise bday party for me.
thanks alot guys, the cakes, the liquor, the present
and really thanks all for turning up.
sang my guts out all the way till 3am.

2nd Celebration - clubbing at REBEL
My brothers brought me clubbing the following day
though my first time, it was "enjoyable"
danced through the night
my ears still suffering from deafness now.
thanks mushroom bro, bryan bro and derek bro.

3rd Celebration- movie, dinner at holland V
baby brought me out to catch a movie , Monster vs Aliens
following we dined at holland V, MyKii
a very special place to dine at.
enoyed the experience.
and thanks baby for the Ipod nano!

cool. what a birthday.
thanks all for the wishes
be it facebook, verbal, calls or even msg.
they are all appreciated.

lastly to avoid misunderstandings
i shall make it clear i do not have the habit
of commenting without writing my own name.

shouldnt waste any time talking nonsensical stuff
what uncouth language by a girl.

shan't be affected by what you said.
washing my hands off all these.

a peice of advice i mean genuinely.
take her in hand.
before its too late.

fuck you, bitch.
listen hard, fuck you.
you dare to put a label on someone.
just bloody hell say out the name.
and for who the fuck your bf is,
i don't give a fucking care.

you made me fucking fucking annoyed
anything you want, come contact me,
wanna find trouble, come.
cb, look yourself in the mirror.

thats not the way to talk behind one's back alright
anything go confront the person.
FYI, we don't need foreigners here.
you bloody not-singaporean.
PUI, KNN.

im fk'ing pissed.
don't let me see you.

no i shouldn't be this way.
respect and trust.
that's what love is.
give me time baby,
i will accept it.

the chioces made,
the words said,
the paths took.

what do they bring?
when there's no room for regret,
there's always some left for repent.

regret?
or regret for not regretting?

human minds, caught in a spiral.

it happened again.
and i have no idea how im supposed to tell those at work
people are looking frantically for you
trying to cover up for you
to save your commision.
worried that something might have happened to you
they called around whole day to look for you
and this is what they get, you hide and run.
and you just awol'ed, left them struggling to work with 3 staff

we care, we ask, we tell you things
but what did we get? rebuttals. your own reasonings.
how much i say is not going to matter
you need to learn how to pick yourself up
and stop saying you can't.
what you doing now can't change any facts.
it will not bring back the relationship.
so what? are you trying to make everyone feel miserable?
is that your aim?

just please, think.
your mum is not in good health.
i wouldnt want anythign to happen to her.
dun make her worry.
if you see this, drop me a msg.
i seriously care for you, friend.
but at the same time, i seriously don't know what else i can do.

it happens when we care too much about something
and we become so so selfish.
some words are better left unspoken.
some thoughts too.

had a wonderful week i guess.
totally made use of the time this week.
the caching up, slacking gaming days
and the long long mahjong sessoons.
great to say, i finallly broke the 3-mth losing streak

the reason why one feels that others are always wrong
is because he/she doesnt realise he think he is always right.
make sense?

must admit sometimes im like that too.
but admitting isnt feeling defeating.
the difference between these two,
is the courage to read deep and reflect
is the strength to ponder and not whine
is the grace to give and not always take
and the willingness to accept mistakes and not pushing blames.

damn tired already.
zzzzz

havent been writing here for a while
kinda disapoointed that im enlisted so soon
seriously gonna miss life with freedom
esp my friends and my baby
ahhh but well, i have to change my mentality
go in happily and cmoe out happily.

been working n working
and that day is getting closer
i can't help but get a bit worried though
i want to catch XMEN!

so here am i again.
a very aimless week ahead,
only have weekends to work in my roster.
it sucks totally.
staying home at there's nothing for me to do

i beleive that before we do something
before we accuse someone
we got to find out what exactly happen
its not fair to accuse someone
just because everyone does.
everyone has their own reasons for stuffs
and if we do not have, its best we do nt comment.

lets just conclude its nothing but a misunderstanding
the best way to keep things going .:)

when things don't go well for you, it feels sucky.
.

everything just seemed to be going downhill.
like seriously. everything around me.
im starting to feel pissed at everything and anything.

two sides of a coin.
which side will you take?

i cant blame no one.
human are social creatures.
we can never live alone.

but this has gotten me thinking very deeply
of what does the word friendship means
and how deep does the word live in one's heart
yes i respect ur ideas, i swear.
but i DO NOT need a third party to tell me abt those ideas
why couldnt it be spoken to a friend by a friend
friends indeed, the word starts diminishing.

read this, see this and think deeply.
i nvr wanted to even say all these
i nvr wanted to hurt alll the friendships
trust me. i still regard u as a very gd brother

did u intro us into all this.
without even a SINGLE thought about urself?
or was it PURELY for our benefits.
don't say its mutual.

it actually hurts to type this post out
seriously.
and it actuallly hurts to see friends falling out
its never easy building a bond. not at all.
if friendship is something that can be thrwn away
i really am disappointed.

put a line between friends and business.
thats fucking all i have to say.
i really meant no offense to anyone
seriously hope you understand.

i have been reading books on brain recently.
having studied psychology before
neuro science is indeed so captivating and logical.
just like our brain, containing different areas for different purposes
for feeling fear, happy anger etc.

it all eventually goes down to our conscious and unconscious thoughts
its like showing sympathy on the outside
yet feeling happy in the inside
when u heard something bad ooccuring to ur rival.
we dun always show what we think
anyway, its very very complicated

all this actually reflect very well on our daily lives
we don't always say what we think
we don;t wanna step on people's toes
we dun always show how we feel either
yet there are those who go all out to say what they think
and how they feel
in certain cases, we don;t call people insensitive and demoralising
they might want to show care, concern and protection for you

that leads us to another problem
we know very well people meant well
but yet our mind chose to think they are pouring wet blanket
with two thoughts jammed inside the head
we tend to let emotions take the choice
now, is it that people meant well, or wanted to bring us down ?
in the fit of anger, disappointment, and frustration
we will eventually choose the latter

we can never choose how we feel
but we can choose how we think
so, everytime before you make a decision
think, dun let emotions affect the wise choice ahead of you

message unclear? heard? or spread?